Miss Manners: I’m clean and dressed. Isn’t that enough to go out?

Dear Miss Manners: When leaving the house, am I under an obligation to “look good”?

I’ve had family tell me to cover my head during a bad hair day because “you can’t go out with your hair like that,” or to throw out clothing with minor flaws because “that’s the way you are supposed to do it.”

I find rather offensive the idea that I should wear a hat so people on the street don’t have to look at my “ugly hairdo,” and it is extremely wasteful to throw away clothing merely because a thread caught on something and it created a tiny hole. (My budget also won’t allow for this.)

Am I under an obligation to give strangers something nice to look at when I am out running errands, or am I allowed to stick to the standards of “my clothing is decent, and is daywear” and “I washed and brushed my hair”?

Standards have lowered considerably, particularly of late, and what is considered acceptable has changed dramatically. Doubts about pants-wearing on video calls has made suspicion rampant. The wearing of them in public is a bare minimum.

Miss Manners personally likes to do better, but she also agrees that as long as basic hygiene is being observed and certain body parts are covered, your family should back off. Subjective opinions about what constitutes an attractive hairdo are hurtful, and probably never to be satisfied, anyway.

Dear Miss Manners: While separating photographs after a divorce from my wife, I have run across some pictures of relatives’ and friends’ weddings. Is there any protocol for what to do with the photos?

In some cases, the marriages have broken up, so I assume that I can just dispose of these photos, correct? I will send my ex-wife any photos containing her and her family, but nothing that includes photos of my family.

Is this the right way to go? We don’t live in the same area anymore, and our families were never close.

I would also be interested to hear what you think should be done with family photos that include me, my ex-wife and our children. Should they just go to the children? I am in a new, committed relationship, and I do not wish to have any photos of my ex for any reason.

Old, unwanted photographs should go to any pertinent parties who would welcome them — and with whom giving them away would not start a fight or reopen hurt feelings.

Your methods are fine. Ask your ex-wife and children if they would like their pictures. No explanation necessary — it will be obvious why — or just say that you were going through old things. And ask old friends and relatives with whom you are close if they would like theirs.

Tidying up one’s home and not offending its members are two worthwhile pursuits. Miss Manners just urges you to be cautious that you are not offending any extended members in the process.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2020, by Judith Martin