I’m a black father living through a dark time. Is there still room for me to be silly?

These virtual lessons had been an educational lifeline for many parents who found themselves suddenly forced to find constructive ways to fill our children’s new at-home schedule with a variety of activities beyond remote learning, Nicktoons, and watching us fold the laundry.

I am not a teacher by trade, but I have been a stay-at-home dad for almost five years, so I was a bit prepared for keeping kids entertained. As soon as she shared her desire for some down time, I knew it was time to break out my alter ego: the white haired, bespeckled and sometimes frazzled Dr. Professor and his wisecracking puppet partner Captain Vernon. Having seen my act before and knowing how much her students enjoyed it, my friend excitedly accepted my offer to fill in, and we began working on a lesson plan.

The professor and the pirate were an act I came up with in 2017 as a way to make some fun and educational videos for my kids. After my cousin and I made a few videos, I felt the show would work well in front of an audience, so I began doing some live performances because I really love making kids laugh. Also, I wanted to be a presence in my son’s classroom as an example of a black father heavily involved in his child’s education. I felt like a show about a nutty professor doing simple science experiments and telling knock-knock jokes for 30 minutes was a great way to do it.

But, in the midst of our planning for the return of Dr. Professor, the world itself was on fire, both physically and metaphorically.

An incident in Central Park that should have been a typical argument between New Yorkers, one an African-American birdwatcher and the other a white dog owner, ended with a woman weaponizing a man’s color to try to get him arrested.

And then, of course, people were rising up to demand justice for the killings of George Lloyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. Friends and family were having intense conversations on social media about racism and police brutality.

These events created a sense of conflict within me.

As I faced myself in the bathroom mirror on the day before my first show, in my white Afro and lab coat, with a pirate puppet on one hand and reciting knock-knock jokes, I became apprehensive and unsure of what I was doing and why.

What place, if any, did my Dr. Professor act have in this current world?

How, as a black man, could I keep my focus on donning a white wig and doing silly voices while other black men were protesting in the streets because black people were being killed? Was a black man in a white wig, acting like a clown, the image of black men that people needed to see right now? How could I justify using my Facebook timeline to promote the show while other were using social media to posts about racism and injustice? Would my friends think I was being insensitive to the memories of those lost too soon to police violence or by other unjust means?

As a black parent, I have an obligation to talk with my children about some of the harsher realities of the world that they will have to face simply because they are black. My children are very young (all 7 and under), so my wife and I are careful in how we talk about sensitive subjects. We teach them about loving all people from all backgrounds and not to judge others based on things like skin color or the clothes they wear or even the toys they may or may not have. We teach our oldest that his brother and sister will do as he does, so he needs to set a good example in the house, and more importantly, outside it, where he will not always encounter people with the same level of awareness or inclusiveness.

My sons will be driving one day, and I fear that just being black could put their lives in danger during a routine traffic stop. It’s unacceptable. I fear that all the lessons my wife and I have taught him about being respectful of authority and being polite and being a stand-up citizen could go completely out the window at the hands of an overzealous police officer who sees my son as a threat simply because he is black.

As I woke up on the morning of my first show, I still grappled with those questions, and my motivation to do the show was waning. But then the answer to my questions came from three places: the smiling faces of my children when I emerged from the bathroom as Dr. Professor.

In that moment, I knew the show was not about me and my ego, it was about them and how they saw me. What was their image of a good father should look like?

As soon as they saw me as the professor, with his lab coat and unreliable mustache, their faces lit up and I knew I was what they needed to see. They asked me what lessons Dr. Professor was going to teach and what jokes would Captain Vernon say, and in that moment, I realized that, yes, I needed to do the show.

As silly as Dr. Professor might be to some adults, he was the image of a black man that I wanted them to see at this time.

Dr. Professor is part of me, but he is not all of me — a black father with a black wife and three black children. A husband, a friend, a caregiver, and educator, a son and much more.

In a world that is changing by the second, we can find any number of reasons to remain joyless and let our hearts grow cold. Part of me wanted to give in to the negativity that seemed to have taken over social media and the world. Part of me just wanted to be angry, and upset, and appalled, and let my social media reflect those feelings.

But as a parent and as an educator, I also felt I had an obligation to my kids and to other kids who looked forward to those online lessons my friend had so selflessly provided. More important, I had an obligation to do my part in putting positive images of black fathers out into the world, so we can be seen as beacons of joy, and of hope, in a world that can be very dark.

At the same time, I also need to be able to balance that silly image with positive engagement with friends and family, many of whom have kids, but might not have the same views as me when it comes to justice and inequality in America and might be seeing only warped and negative images of black men in their timelines.

Maybe Dr. Professor is a jumping-off point for conversations about the need for more black men in education or for black men to become more involved in their own children’s learning on a daily basis.

Maybe Dr. Professor can lead to more black fathers putting themselves out there, breaking down some of the perpetual stereotypes that are too often attached to us.

Or maybe Dr. Professor is just there to provide a few laughs. In a world that can be full of negativity, darkness and anguish, maybe he is a small example of a positive break from the world we all need, even if it’s only for a few minutes each day. My kids’ faces have shown me that.

Vernon D. Gibbs II is a stay-at-home dad since 2015 and lives in the lovely suburbs of New Jersey with his wife and three children. He graduated from Columbia University and has worked for variety of companies including the National Basketball Association.

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