Carolyn Hax: Grandma’s Bozo-chic aesthetic in children’s clothes

By Carolyn Hax,

Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: Can you help me come up with a way to tell my mother-in-law that while we appreciate her generosity, she has hilariously terrible taste in children’s clothing and we would like her to stop picking things out? She already gives us an unreal number of toys and books, so I can’t redirect there, and she is pretty easily offended, so I can’t just come out and say “Hey, we love you, we appreciate you, please stop trying to dress the kids like psychotic clowns.”

— Family

Family: Halloween — done.

No, there’s nothing you can do. Unless the kids are old enough for you to say to her, with a straight face, that they like to pick out their own clothes now so buying for them isn’t a good bet anymore.

Otherwise you just say oh-gosh-thanks and consign or donate them, because if someone liked the psychotic-clown look enough to design these clothes, then someone will like it enough to claim them. If/when she notices they’re not wearing them, then you go with the line about their choosing their own clothes now and [stage shrug] what’s a parent to do?

Re: Bad-taste grandma: This is potentially such a win-win! Our kids voluntarily chose psychotic clown outfits, then critiqued us for being boring. Let the kids choose whether to wear them, and just embrace the radical clash of patterns. It can be fun if you let it, and this phase won’t last long. Be sure to send photos to grandma.

— Win-Win

Win-Win: And save said photos to use against your kids when they get older. Win-win-win.

Re: Psychotic clowns: Isn’t it dishonest, at a certain point, to not tell the mother-in-law you don’t intend on dressing your kids in the clothes she continually buys? She’s spending her money on these gifts, so turning around to immediately give them away seems disingenuous. If it’s one or two things each year, that’s easier to let go. Dress them up in the clothes, take a picture for Grandma, then donate. But if she’s bringing things once a month or more, that’s a lot of money that she’s spending, and it doesn’t seem right to accept something if it won’t get used.

Maybe redirecting her to clothes the children would like, or that are currently missing from their wardrobe, would help. Or suggest that you already have the clothes covered so experiences with the mother-in-law are something the kids would enjoy more and help make lasting memories.

— Anonymous

Anonymous: Those are fine suggestions, and the parent should try them — but, you know what? The main problem isn’t that the mother-in-law is being lied to, it’s that she is “easily offended,” which creates an environment where healthy truth-telling is punishable by her emotional acting out. So, the price of the culture she created is for her money to go not toward dressing her grandchildren, but instead toward dressing strangers who now won’t have to pay retail for their psychotic clownwear. I can live with that.

Write to Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com. Get her column delivered to your inbox each morning at wapo.st/haxpost.