Miss Manners: My genius dog stole her classmate’s thunder

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin,

Dear Miss Manners: I have had my unusually intelligent dog, “Regina,” enrolled in a class to learn advanced tricks. Each dog learned one major trick to demonstrate in a showcase at the end.

Another owner taught her dog to close a cupboard upon command, bringing in a detached cupboard and happily demonstrating that her dog would now nose the cupboard closed upon hearing, “Close it.” After the showcase, the cupboard was open as the students chatted with the instructor.

I mentioned that I should teach Regina the cupboard trick. Without really thinking, just mentally practicing, I looked at Regina and said, “Close it.” Regina promptly did so, since she knew what I meant after watching the other dog do it once.

The other owner’s face fell. I could see she was a little dismayed. I could see how it was thunder-stealing for Regina to easily learn something that had taken the other dog several weeks. I didn’t know what to do, though, so I just stood there awkwardly until the conversation moved on.

The real solution here is probably not to utter commands absent-mindedly, but since that already happened, is there anything I could have done to defuse the situation after? I can’t very well tell someone that I’m sorry my dog is so smart, but perhaps I could have made a joke along the lines of, “Oh, your dog must have explained it to her,” or simply said I was sorry without specifying why.

This situation probably arises for parents of highly gifted children, too. What, if anything, should I have done?

This course delivered more than was promised: The other dog learned both to close the cabinet and to teach it to his fellow canines. At least that is what Miss Manners would approve your graciously asserting to ease embarrassment all around. Then Regina’s owner will also have learned a new trick.

Dear Miss Manners: Several years back, a co-worker known for her sharp tongue commented that I needed to give her the “short version” of whatever she’d asked me. This hurt my feelings, but also got me wondering if I was talking too much.

Since then, I’ve tried to be as concise as possible and don’t say much except to family and close friends. Now I get criticized for not talking.

Is there such a thing as a happy medium? If so, how do I reach it?

It is very sporting of you to try to accommodate a demand delivered in such a peremptory way, but Miss Manners does not see it ever having the intended effect.

Your rude co-worker will never be satisfied, and everyone you meet will have a different opinion about how much time they have to listen. Better to say what you intend, in the number of words you think it merits, and trust that well-meaning listeners will appreciate it when you allow them to do the same.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2020, by Judith Martin