The 2021 In/Out List

What a fantastic year! So many great developments, right?

Carbon emissions were down! (Because we were all afraid to leave our homes.)

Confederate statues were toppled! (Because they were up for way too long to begin with.)

Voter turnout broke records! (Because democracy was in great peril.)

Scientists developed the fastest-ever vaccine! (For a virus that continues to ravage the country.)

Sigh.

It was a year that broke our internal clocks. How is it already over when we never even left March? Why does every day feel like Thursday? Is the election still happening? It’s been nine months of the pandemic, six weeks of electoral bickering, Four Seasons Total Landscaping of complete pandemonium.

It was a year that melted our brains. It was a year that melted Rudy’s hair. The sky was orange. The floor was lava. The moon was wet. The hornets were murderous. The president was impeached. (Remember that?) UFOs, it turns out, might be real; Ellen’s kindness was not. The Olympics were postponed. The holidays were canceled. Dr. Fauci carried on.

It was a year that broke our hearts.

Even though 2021 will bring more of These Challenging Times, soon enough our emails may actually find us well. In the meantime, the FDA has issued an emergency use authorization for The List, finding it safe and highly effective. Side effects are mild and may include headache or muscle pain. And by the way, masks are very much still In.