Carolyn Hax: With abusive parents on the guest list, is brother’s wedding a ‘nope’?

Don’t overthink how to talk to your kids, though, or project your fears onto them. The harder you work to tailor your message and say all the right things, the more trouble you’ll have keeping it straight. Instead, stick to the facts — starting with the minimum necessary. You don’t need to say anything, for example, until there’s something the kids will notice, like worried phone calls. Then stick to the age-appropriate basics and let them ask follow-up questions. “Grandma is sick,” for example, “and will need treatment for a while.” Pause for questions. Then say what they can expect: “She will be tired,” or, “I will be gone at times to help her.” Pause for processing and questions.