Miss Manners: I’ll have the Eggs Neanderthal

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin,

Dear Miss Manners: My wife insists that cutting up over-easy eggs on my plate before eating them is borderline Neanderthal behavior. Is it? (Many people I know do it.)

The pre-cutting
of food should be generally reserved for those doing it on behalf of someone who might otherwise struggle or choke — the young, the infirm and apparently your Neanderthal friends.

Miss Manners does concede that everything after the initial ooze of the yolk is bound to be less satisfying, but chasing it around the plate with subsequent cuts should not be underestimated. It is also more proper.

Dear Miss Manners: One evening, I had a gathering of eight friends for cards and a “white elephant” gift exchange. One guest, “Moira,” came as a substitute player, sent by an absent member. None of us had met her before.

We tried to make her feel welcome, but she seemed a bit distant and cold, and never seemed to fit in very well.

When it came to the gift exchange, the first gift was selected and opened by “Heather,” and it became evident how much she loved it. She rejoiced over it, exclaiming how tickled she was to receive it, telling us how she would use it and thanking the giver profusely. Knowing Heather, we knew she really meant it, and wasn’t just being polite.

As we went around the circle, members could either select an unopened gift or “steal” an already-opened one from someone else. We came to Moira last, just because of where she was sitting in the circle. She opted to steal the gift from Heather, who was visibly disappointed to lose it. But she took it in stride, and we moved on with the evening.

Later, however, several of the regular members remarked privately to me that they didn’t think Moira should have stolen Heather’s gift. They were upset that Moira would be so heartless as a one-time guest in someone else’s home. If Heather had not expressed such delight over the gift, it would have been different.

By the way, there were a few other “steals” that evening, but none of them was so obviously hurtful. Yes, she was playing by the rules of the gift exchange, but we thought she showed very little sensitivity. What do you think? Are we wrong to think poorly of Moira

Having no stakes in the social aspect of this gathering, Moira chose instead to win the game — and not to read the room. For that, Miss Manners understands that you think poorly of her.

However, the situation might give you pause — before future such gatherings — to wonder why it is considered fun to be given presents, only to have them taken away. Poor Heather deserves a singing bass that she can keep.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2021, by Judith Martin