Miss Manners: Relative won’t take my unsolicited advice

Dear Miss Manners: A family friend is on disability and Medicaid, but has not received a stimulus check and has not valued a word I have to say about it.

She always asks another family member why she has not received her check, and this person always assures her she will. We know it’s probably because of a Social Security issue, but she won’t call to find out. How to go about convincing her?

The temptation to give advice to those who don’t want it is, Miss Manners appreciates, strong. Resist.

Dear Miss Manners: A man I know from work, who is 36 and never married, has been dating a woman for about two months. (She is 41, but I do not know much else about her.) He has become very distressed. Apparently, they had a fight when she asked him how much money he makes, and he refused to tell her. She did not like that and told him so.

For the rest of the weekend, she was cold and distant to him. He spent the entire time trying to “soothe her feelings.”

Another woman and I agree that this was a totally inappropriate question — especially since they had just started dating recently. We feel that there should be a time limit before asking a question like that.

He would like to continue seeing her, but we feel that she is a gold-digger and he should just leave her behind. What is your opinion on this?

The time for such a question between uncommitted couples is, in Miss Manners’ opinion: never.

It is not unreasonable for a lady to want to know the answer before she accepts a proposal of marriage. And at that point, he can inquire about hers.

Yes, the question was rude. But whether you can convince the gentleman of this — or should even try — is another matter.

Dear Miss Manners: I broke up with my girlfriend in March. While we were together, she friended several members of my family on social media. Since our breakup, she is still friends with my family on the site.

I really don’t want her in my family business. Is it not common courtesy to unfriend your ex’s family after you break up? Is there a way I can tell her or my family to cut ties?

Before your breakup, the propriety of telling your girlfriend what to do (or what not to do) may have been in question. Subsequent to the breakup, it is not.

Miss Manners therefore urges you not to raise your concern with her. Family members can be asked to limit contact from their side. But if you and the lady split amicably, there is no etiquette requirement that family members take a harder line.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2020, by Judith Martin