Miss Manners: Take out the earbuds as a sign of respect

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin,

Dear Miss Manners: I am a middle school teacher, and although we are not beginning classes in person yet this year, I cannot stop thinking about something that always bugs me at the beginning of the school year.

Many of my students walk around campus with some type of earbuds in. It is an expectation of mine that when talking or listening, students take them out. This is because the other person involved cannot know whether the person with earbuds is listening to audio or to them.

I explain this to the students, and emphasize that it is an issue of showing respect to the person you are conversing with. They often fight back on this rule and insist that turning off the audio when conversing is enough.

Am I missing the mark on what’s important here? Do you think removing earbuds is something that shows respect or lack thereof?

These students will also probably try to convince you that they can listen while playing video games, texting their friends and playing with slime, but the optics are still rude.

Proper etiquette is so often shown through symbolism. Taking one’s cap off in school provides no practical purpose, but it shows reverence for the institution. Demanding that ear pieces be removed when talking to others is, Miss Manners assures you, entirely within your jurisdiction. You are the teacher. It is your duty (as well as the parents’) to teach your students respect. In fact, it is probably the most valuable and practical lesson they can learn.

Dear Miss Manners: What is the meaning of white hydrangeas and lilies in a vase left at the doorstep of a single woman?

That the sender wants to tempt the recipient’s innocence and then to mourn its loss.

Dear Miss Manners: We have two great-nieces who are sisters. One has graduated from college, and the other from high school. They are truly lovely girls, both very intelligent and mature.

They live in another state, and we would like to send them both monetary gifts to mark the occasions of their graduations. Normally, we would send more money for a college graduation gift than a high school graduation gift — and therein lies our dilemma.

The girls are living at home, and while we would obviously send a separate card/check to each of them, it feels odd to send one great-niece more money than the other. As I mentioned, they are both very mature, and I don’t think they would question the differing amounts, but I still haven’t been able to write the checks.

Then refrain. That is the problem with giving money as a present: The beneficiary knows exactly how much the gift is worth.

While your great-nieces may not question it now, it will soon occur to the younger one, at least, that her status is not going to change. You can avoid this with equal checks, but Miss Manners instead recommends choosing presents that reflect their differing tastes — not the relative value of the recipient’s achievements.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2020, by Judith Martin