Miss Manners: Quiet cul-de-sac becomes setting for night basketball camp

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin,

Dear Miss Manners: About a year ago, we bought a home on a quiet cul-de-sac in a nice neighborhood. We noticed that the next-door neighbor’s backyard had a concrete half basketball court, but every time we came to the house for showings, inspections, etc., no one was playing basketball.

We figured it wouldn’t be a problem. That was our first mistake.

Our neighbor’s five kids and their friends use this court on a daily basis, from sunup to sundown, each on their own practice schedule. Recently, they started a nightly basketball camp where dozens of kids come to play. Inside our home, with windows and doors closed, we hear the bang of the balls being bounced and hit against the backboard, along with occasional yelling and music.

Upon moving in, we were welcomed to the neighborhood by these neighbors, and they told us to PLEASE let them know if the noise level was ever a problem. When the music level became too loud, we kindly asked them to turn it down, and they complied. A second time, they responded that due to the nature of their backyard, there will be extra noise here and there, and that is part of living in a neighborhood.

Short of moving away, how can we escape all this noise without making enemies with our next-door neighbors?

A friendly game with friends is one thing. A full-on camp is quite another. Especially at night.

Miss Manners suggests that you find a tactful way of questioning its legality. “I am so glad that the kids are able to play together, but I am afraid that the thump of basketball night camp is keeping us awake. And I worry that the block association is really okay with you running it out of your home. Perhaps you can set it for only daytime hours, so that it’s not quite so noticeable?”

Dear Miss Manners: Is it polite to correct people who say “Real-a-tor” instead of “Real-tor,” or “nu-cu-lar” instead of “nu-clee-ar”? Or is it totally inappropriate?

I am not perfect, but these bother me.

Are any of these people in charge of nuclear codes?

Pronouncing the words accurately oneself is the only polite way Miss Manners recommends to correct someone who is not your child, student or direct report, or who is not about to look like a fool in public.

Dear Miss Manners: My wife’s friend came over to borrow a book. My wife warned her in advance that our two grandchildren would be here. The friend showed up just before lunch. The ladies chatted for a while, but then my wife had to excuse herself and start making lunch for the kids.

After lunch, she went outside with the kids and organized a slip-and-slide. The friend sat on our porch through all of that, finally leaving after two hours.

What would have been an appropriate way to end the visit in less time?

“I’m so sorry, but I am afraid that this isn’t a good time for a visit. I promised my grandchildren my undivided attention this afternoon. But I will be sure to reach out to you in the next few weeks to see what you thought of ‘Cold Comfort Farm.”’

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2020, by Judith Martin