Carolyn Hax: How to make amends to an ex who says ‘Never contact me again’?

Here, though, it’s a gift. When the people we hurt aren’t available to help us feel better, we have to find our own ways to live with ourselves. And unless we’re skilled at rationalization, compartmentalization or outright denial, that typically involves a close inspection of our mistakes — closer than we’d like, and much closer than if someone had been around to let us off the worst of the hooks.