The key to a happy teen? Listen and support — and resist solving problems for them.
WS: Many parents say, “I keep telling him he’s smart.” But the more you try that, the tighter they hold on to that perception. Make comments instead and do it subtly: “I just noticed that you made nine free throws in a row. A month ago, you weren’t able to do that.” Or, because some of the kids I test think they’re not smart because they have ADHD or learning disabilities, I say, “I have evidence that that’s just not true. Can I explain?” What I’ve been saying is, “You’re smart enough. And if there are people smarter than you, thank God for that. I’m smart enough to do something that’s really interesting and rewarding, and you are, too.” We don’t want to try too hard to talk them out of negative perceptions or limiting beliefs, because it won’t work. Instead, make subtle observations.
