The non-polarizing speech President Biden should have given

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After President Biden spoke outside Independence Hall in Philadelphia, politicians from Sen. Marco Rubio to Ohio Senate nominee J.D. Vance responded by denouncing his remarks as needlessly polarizing. Biden’s remarks included such lines as, “This is a nation that honors the Constitution. We do not reject it” and “This is a nation that respects the rule of law” and “We do not encourage violence.” Horribly divisive and, indeed, frightening words to hear from a president. Dark times indeed, when the president of the United States would paint so many of his fellow citizens in such an ominous light — though he was willing to stand, himself, in an ominous light for the duration of the speech.

You might say, “Is the idea that ‘We are still, at our core, a democracy’ really so polarizing?” Yes, obviously. He should have delivered a less divisive speech. Such a speech follows.

My fellow Americans. I am the president of the United States … maybe!

To those of you who believe that although we have differences, we are still one nation, and to those of you who believe that I am spearheading a complicated, Satan-driven, child-snatching conspiracy with very detailed logistics that I can’t say I fully comprehend, I wish you equally a great Thursday! I am not here to give anybody a hard time.

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To those of you who say that violence is never the answer, and to those of you who say that violence is the answer right now, I say, Yup!

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This is a nation, after all, that honors the Constitution. Or doesn’t, if it doesn’t feel like it! Who am I to say who’s wrong and who is right? Maybe the president, but maybe just some guy!

There is an election coming up. I think, and a lot of Americans do too, that for our democracy to continue, we need to accept the results of that election, even if our side loses. Other Americans agree: They will accept the results of the election if my side loses. That’s common ground, I think! We can build on that. Or not, if people don’t want to.

I was planning to come out in favor of democracy and accepting the results of elections even when they don’t go our way, and to say that those MAGA Americans who want to install Donald Trump as some sort of consequence-free, god-king-for-life are doing something bad, but I was told that would alienate a lot of people, so, instead, I want to take that time to just stare intensely out at the audience for a solid minute.

Yay King Trump!

To those of you trying to take away people’s rights and those of you fighting to preserve them: Keep going! To those of you who want to treat some people in this country as less than full citizens, and to those who think that’s terrifyingly wrong, I see you both and celebrate you both equally!

So I say to everyone, to the people working to get out the vote and the people working to undermine the entire concept of voting, good work! We have had a democracy for a while, which I personally would like to keep, but some people seem to want us to try something new, and that could be … fine! Maybe 235 years is a good stopping point.

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I was going to criticize the people who are trying to thwart the will of the voters and who, earlier, wanted to stop the peaceful transfer of power, but then I thought, that would be needlessly divisive. Probably they are some very fine people! Indeed, I might go so far as to say, “I love you, and you’re very special!”

I am sorry I got mad that some of you tried to storm the Capitol. It was patriotic, actually. What is tearing this country apart is people who dare to criticize that sort of thing, not people who dare to do that sort of thing. I am sorry that I said your behavior was a little creepy and that it would be bad to have fascism here. That was made to sound like I oppose fascism, whereas in fact I am neutral about it, because I do not want to polarize or divide.

Off the subject of democracy, which I can see is polarizing and dividing a lot of you here, maybe there’s something else we can agree on. I think it would be good to work together to repair the infrastructure and build bridges! But in the interest of not being polarizing, maybe we should burn those bridges instead! Two equally valid things to do with a bridge, and not my place to choose.

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Source: WP