Chronic ‘Trump Derangement’ disorder turns Democrats Into obsessed political zombies
OPINION:
After seven years of Trump Derangement Syndrome ravaging the country — consuming its victims, hollowing out their brains and sucking the life force out of them — a new, even more devastating disease is sweeping the Democratic Party.
Post-Trump stress disorder. PTSD.
And where TDS left its victims brain-dead, toggling between fits of screaming agony and listlessness, PTSD turns them into something else entirely. They become zombies obsessed with Donald Trump — frantically searching for the Orange Sun King.
They talk about him incessantly. They dream about him. In their waking hours, they see him everywhere. They literally crave him. They want to devour him the way a woman looks at someone else’s newborn baby.
Like an amputee, they twitch and writhe from the phantom pain of Donald Trump being out of the White House.
PTSD is a form of catatonic worship. Yet curiously, PTSD victims claim to still despise him. They hate him, yet they cannot live without him.
Political scientists studying PTSD have never seen anything like it in the history of human relations. Even medical literature from early Greek and Roman political times contains nothing so strange as this.
The closest malady they can find from modern research studies of mammals is the relationship victims of rabies develop with water in the late stages of infection.
The dog or monkey or raccoon infected with rabies becomes wildly thirsty — yet at the same time also suffers from hydrophobia. They are dying of thirst — yet in their diseased brains, water becomes their kryptonite.
They froth at the mouth, snapping at air, eyes rolling backward and let loose blood-curdling screams. Witnesses say Democrats infected with PTSD can appear perfectly normal one minute and suddenly begin slapping themselves and spinning and spitting as if being attacked by a swarm of bees.
Cases have been identified all over the U.S., but New York City appears to be an early hot spot. Political scientists are trying to determine whether Mr. Trump’s lifelong association with the city may have played a role in weakening the natural immune system of Democrats there.
Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg is one of the first Democrats to develop PTSD. Political scientists, however, warn that he has several obvious comorbidities that make him an especially difficult case.
His obsession with Mr. Trump runs so deep that he is literally stepping over the dead bodies piling up in New York so that he can charge Mr. Trump with some three dozen non-crimes for which there is no evidence and which, even if they happened, are far outside of his jurisdiction.
Political scientists have reached out to Harvard Law School, where Mr. Bragg earned his law degree, to confirm that he actually attended any classes there and to investigate the curiously high instances of PTSD among Democrats who attended Ivy League law schools.
Mr. Bragg, who was previously opposed to “election interference,” is expected to arrest Mr. Trump this Holy Week in a sprawling effort to eliminate the Republican front-runner in the 2024 election.
Meanwhile, the Trump campaign has ordered a staffer into a nearby village to find a donkey and a colt. Untie them, the staffer was told, and if anybody asks what you are doing, just say: “The Lord needs them,” and he will immediately let you take them.
Medical and political experts fear that the only cure for PTSD victims is to allow the disease to run its course by permitting a free and fair election so that Mr. Trump can be elected president for another term.
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.
