Carolyn Hax: How do you grieve a miscarriage when you didn’t tell anyone you were pregnant?
· The phrase “well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful” stuck out at me. My parents were kind of oddballs, and I don’t seem to have learned how to give the perfect kind of “help” — encouragement, kind words, etc. I get so paralyzed by not knowing what is “right” that I end up not doing anything, or I do something I think might be “right” and then castigate myself for ages afterward worrying it wasn’t “right.” I dunno. I guess this is more about me than society, but it’s at least partly society, too. (Also it’s why I read these columns, to learn what the “right” thing is.)