Miss Manners: Incorrect idiom is irksome

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin,

Dear Miss Manners: I am in an all-volunteer animal rescue group that finds homes for abandoned or surrendered dogs. In advertising our animals for adoption through social media, we often indicate that an animal can be given “free rein” of the house — meaning they are housebroken and can be trusted not to chew or destroy things when left alone. (As an amateur horsewoman, I know that the term comes from giving a horse a loose rein to find its way in difficult footing, or to just go as it pleases.)

Unfortunately, whoever writes the descriptions of the animals invariably notes that the animal can be given “free reign” of the house, which is a very different use, or misuse, of the phrase. I don’t know who the grammatically challenged person is, though I suspect it is one of the top three members of our board, making it difficult to inquire without offending the writer.

This repetitive misuse of a term in virtually every post is an embarrassment to our organization. How would you suggest that I try to correct it, or is it best to let sleeping dogs “lye”?

Good one. And you can make your point without embarrassing any individual.

Miss Manners suggests a memo to everyone concerned, somewhat along these lines: “We all know that our wonderful dogs will reign supreme in the households they grace, but let’s let our human clients discover that for themselves. Meanwhile, they do have to know that the dogs should be given free rein, as a horse is when you loosen the reins.”

No one will have been specifically targeted, and everyone can smile at the confusion of others.

Dear Miss Manners: Now that places are opening back up, people are ready to mingle. I know the general rule is to give around a month’s notice for a birthday party, but do you feel this has changed at all with the pandemic? Is it preferable or advised to give guests more notice?

It is true that with an empty social calendar during quarantine, a month ahead might have seemed so far in the future as to be not worth remembering. But as social calendars begin to fill, the old rule is still good — except for social engagements that involve travel.

Dear Miss Manners: My co-worker was due to get married last June, and I was invited. However, due to the coronavirus, they had to cancel.

The wedding has been rescheduled for this year. However, they have had to reduce the guest list from 150 to 75, and I did not make the cut.

What is the gift-giving etiquette in this situation? I do not typically give gifts for weddings I am not invited to, but I was invited to their original one. What would Miss Manners recommend?

Generosity. They would have liked to have you there, but circumstances prevented it.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2021, by Judith Martin